Along the Lines of Atlas

"I'm thinking of the fifteen years that Sabastian d'Anconia had to wait for the woman he loved: he did not know whether he would ever find her again, whether she would survive. . . whether she would wait for him.  But he knew that she could not live through his battle and that he could not call her to him until it was won.  So he waited, holding his love in the place of the hope which he had no right to hold.  But when he carried her across the threshold of his house, as the first Senora d'Anconia of a new world, he knew that the battle was won, that they were free, that nothing threatened her and nothing would ever hurt her again."

Along the Lines of Sighs

In these moments when the video games downstairs are too loud and the piccolo in the background pierces through each whisper, I miss being myself.  I miss the hours I used to spend with a bow perched between my fingers and the draw of the strings pulled me together.  I miss the lives of the characters I used to read about and their stories that made living just a little more enjoyable.  I wonder what happened to the flow of words from my fingertips and miss the power that writing fiction has to heal me.  

November starts in three days, and I can't wait to be myself again. 

Along the Lines of Letters

Not just one but two letters in the mail today, and it doesn't matter that one is a single page and the other is more like eight, they both made my heart skip beats and my smile last for hours for their own, independent reasons.  

It's feelings like these that tell me I've found something truly beautiful.

It's nice to know he's in love with me, and not just the idea of me.

My dearest little sister,

It's exciting and scary to watch you fall in love with someone.  You and I both know that it's not a petty crush either, and we both know that we don't really know what it is, for neither you nor him.  There's a lot I wish I had the words to say, but for things like this, there just isn't.

I hope you always come to me and talk like we do now. I've grown to value our friendship so incredibly much, and I can honestly say that you're not only my sister but my closest friend.  We've been through hell and back, we both know that, and we both know it's not going to be easy these next few weeks.  But we'll keep fighting, and we'll only grow stronger because of it.

I suppose the reason this is so odd to me isn't the fact that you're in love with him, but that it makes me older to see it.  I look at you and I know what those little touches do to your heart, and the way his smile makes your breath stop in your throat.  I watch you with happiness, and a little sadness, knowing that he, too, will leave on a mission and you will go through what I am.  It's not something I would wish on anyone, but I know you're strong enough to make it through; we both are.  It'll be rough, just as I know you understand, but I hope you know I'm always here for you, even if it's two in the morning and you're still up crying because the world is simply too vast.  Remember that I've been there, and remember that I am still there sometimes.  Maybe I can offer you the comfort I've come to know, and the understanding of what love can really do.  I hope you don't give up on him, either, like everyone is telling you to do, because I know that look, and I know that it's not something that will go away easily, if ever.  Don't listen to them; even if they're right, take what makes you happy and run with it, because it's no use dwelling on the negative outcomes of what-if.

Dearest little sister, I love you and care for you and hope the best for you.  We're both long old enough to make our own decisions and understand the complexities of our hearts, but know that I will always do what I can to help you.  Unlike so many people in the world, we've found what it truly means to be sisters, and I cherish that more than you know.

Take care sis.  I love you much.

Along the Lines of Playlists

If you are reading this, I'm sorry.  I don't want it to hurt, for either of us.

I dreamed about you last night.  You were here and you were mine, and you had me wrapped in your arms and I didn't have to be strong anymore because you were fighting for me.  

It wasn't the dream that hurt; it was the waking up alone, all too aware that you are hundreds of miles and eighteen months away.  It was the desperation to go back to sleep, back to that dream, so that I could be with you again, that hurt.

And now it's time to sleep again, and I am terrified to dream.  I am scared that I will dream about you and go through the waking process once again, and yet... I am almost more scared that I won't get to see you again tonight.

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart 

Then waking up is the hardest part 

You roll out of bed and down on your knees 

And for a minute you can hardly breathe 

Wondering was she really there? 

No she's not 

She's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart

The giving up is the hardest part

She takes you in with her crying eyes

Then all at once you have to say goodbye

Wondering could you stay my love?

Will you wake up by my side?

No you won't.

You're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do I have to fall asleep with roses, roses in my hand?

When you're dreaming with a broken heart

Then waking up is the hardest part."

Again, if you are reading this, I'm sorry.  I don't want it to hurt, for either of us.  

Along the Lines of Outside

It's odd to be on the outside looking in
As his life is turned inside out and upside down
Instead of being the one who is exposed.

It's odd to be on the outside looking in
When all I see is what has always been there
While they view something I've seen all along.

It's odd to be on the outside looking in
Wishing things were different for him, for me,
While I know that some things just aren't going to change.

Along the Lines of Disney Land

Whoever wrote

"It's a Small World"

is a liar. 

The world

is much to

vast,

and

on nights like these,

I want

to mourn

over just how big

it really is. 

I wish

far away

wasn't quite

so

far away.

Along the Lines of Wuthering Heights

"I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you.  What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here?  My great miseries have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great though in living is himself.  If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. ..... Nelly, I am Heathcliff!  He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.  So don't talk of our separation again: it is impracticable."

Along the Lines of Childhood Movies

"Somewhere out there,
beneath the pale moonlight,
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
Out where dreams come true."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die; 

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 

a time to kill, and a time to heal; 

a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

a time to weep, and a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 

a time to get, and a time to sew; 

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

a time to love, and a time to hate; 

a time of war, and a time for peace.  

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?  

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.  

He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end."

I wish I could know when, if ever, and what the end result will be.  I wish I could understand what it is I am supposed to learn from this part of my life besides realizing how much you mean.  I wish I could understand what more I will be learning than how much I want and need you.  I wish I could know when, if ever, and what the end result will be.