His drug problem was their first battle together, and they pushed through the ankle-deep mud onto soft, dry ground. To this day he hasn't gone back, and she will always be proud of him.
For her, her life was full of instability. With the pending divorce (which would solidify in May), her family life was breaking apart. No one in her home had an income, and the bills would go unpaid until the point of foreclosure. There was no place to go when that happened, and even still her and her sisters are waiting for the eviction notice.
Her dream was to travel, see the world, never settle down for longer than a year in any given place. She planned to go to Boston for college, and despite the almost certain knowledge that she would be denied, she had ambition enough to apply for Julliard and other top-rated schools of music in the country.
His dream was to settle down, start a family, and take over his dad's business. College for him meant the community college down the street, as his grades were only barely good enough to get him to graduation.
They shared so many memories, and she prays he is trying to hold on to those as much as she is. There was their first dance, the girl's choice formal dance at the public high school, followed by every dance the school had to offer. Senior Prom was both his and her first prom experience, and they rode in a limousine to the state capital. Dinner that night was supposed to be at a fairly nice restaurant, but ended up being the food court at the mall. They went to countless movies, and watched just as many at home in front of his fireplace. When spring came, they went to a small, local amusement center and played miniature golf and drove go carts. They went to Applebees at least once a month, each ordering the same thing each time. He introduced her to Indian food at India House the night of one of their formal dances.
Summer drew closer and she watched him graduate, sitting with his family and watching him accomplish something that no one thought he could do. Somehow, though, she knew they had limited time left.
He broke up with her the day after their eight month anniversary, in the parking lot of the public library. They were both crying, and neither wanted to let the other go. In the end, I think they both knew that, deep down, it's what they both needed, even if it wasn't exactly what they wanted.
The first night was utter Hell for her. She cried herself to sleep, alone in an empty house. He called at some point late that night, and they both felt the other's desperation. As a few days have gone by, she realizes that the days get easier, but the nights will be a recurring fight. Whenever the sun sets, or she listens to those songs, she can't help but feel as if her lungs have shrunk in size and increased in density, and that her heart is being compressed into a space half its size.
She remembers each kiss, each touch, and each laugh. She misses him, longs for him, and wishes the best for him. She hopes he remembers her, although she knows that at some point in his life he will find someone who will love him as she did, and hopes the best for them.She hopes he misses her, but knows that she will be okay. She hopes he will be okay, and will continue to push forward and live the life he wants, and to show them all that he is so much stronger than they thought he was.
A part of her wishes that she could be there for him, now and always, just as she promised. She knows that she isn't what he needs, but she wishes that she could change herself and fit that desire.
He misses her and still can't imagine life without her. He can't picture himself with anyone else, but he can't picture himself with her.
They discussed this a week or more before the break up, and even then she felt as though she had lost him, that she had to let him go. Then, however, they decided to work things out, to at least cherish the time that they had, and everything was going to be okay. She was okay, and moving on, and letting herself love him to her full capacity.
On the Eighteenth of July, however, all of that changed, and she had to let him go, this time for real.
It's this type of pain that people just don't understand. I don't believe that anyone can truly sympathize with a broken heart, because the pain is never the same for two people. Yes, the thought and the understanding might be there, but no one can empathize. There is nothing really to say to one with a broken heart, and each has their own needs and ways of healing.
Until you've experienced it, heartbreak is a concept that is hard to grasp. It's eluding and incomprehensible, and when you're heart broken, no one really, truly understands your pain because we all feel it differently. Heartbreak will hurt in a different way for me than it will for you, and it's no surprise that we all feel terribly alone.